On Gender Norms at Work

content warning: erasure of gender identity, f*g slur, d*ke slur

Every day, I get up, get dressed, head to work, or go to the gym.  I meet friends, colleagues, strangers.  All of whom refer to me as 'she', 'girl', 'woman', 'lady'.  They're wrong.

I'm not a woman.  I'm genderqueer.  But unfortunately this is an identity option that isn't on paperwork, and that people struggle to get their heads around thanks to our binary loving cissexist society. 

This is even more evident in the workplace, where you must try to be as 'normal' as possible in order to keep your job.  I've tried before to bring up the idea of a genderqueer identity with some colleagues before, and it devolved into the standard questions about genitals so that they can know what gender a person really is (i.e. what they were assigned at birth is their 'true' gender and anything else is a farce, a lie, according to cissexist folks).  This makes me feel like I can never truly talk to people about who I really am; like I can never really fully be me.

Genderqueer is a term that may be used to describe those with non-normative[1] gender, either as an umbrella term or a stand-alone identity, typically encompassing those who are in one, or more, of these six categories: 

1. both man and woman (example: androgyne)
2. neither man nor woman (agender, neutrois, non-gendered)
3. moving between two or more genders (gender fluid)
4. third gendered or other-gendered (includes those who prefer “genderqueer” or “non-binary” to describe their gender without labeling it otherwise)
5. having an overlap or blur of gender and orientation and/or sex [2] (girlfags and guydykes)
6. those who “queer” gender, in presentation or otherwise, who may or may not see themselves as non-binary or having a gender that is queer; this category may also include those who are consciously political or radical in their understanding of being genderqueer

                     - Genderqueer ID

To get around this, I try to dress in a 'neutral' way at work, when I can (not that there is any 'neutral' way of dressing once you feel as I do, that there is no male/female binary in clothing), however I feel that 'professionalism' stands in the way of any kind of dress that isn't nicely form fitting for people read as or deemed women.  And could you imagine the furor in a 'professional' environment if someone read as male (or even someone who is male!) decided to one day start wearing skirts?

This is just my personal experience with how gender norms affect me.  I've also had them used in the following ways when talking to customers.  These aren't exact conversations, they're just meant to illustrate a general trend.

Customer: Can you wrap this for me?
Me: Sure!  Which wrapping paper would you like?
Customer:  It's for a man.
Me:  Cool!  Which wrapping paper would you like?
Customer:  Something for a man.
Me:  Okay...  Well what colour does this person like?

Customer:  Is this a men's or women's jumper?
Me:  Does it fit you?  Do you like it?
Customer:  Yes...  But is it for women?  I don't want to wear a woman's jumper.

Obviously you can't always be like this with customers but I feel like these two examples show how much everyone is buying into ideas of gender all the time.  And every time these are reinforced, I am reminded yet again of how I'm an outsider, of how I don't belong in the two 'real' categories of masculine male and feminine female.

I hope to one day work somewhere that embraces my gender and my existence.  Until then, I will continue to hang out with friends who call me by my pronouns.

Sira's Intro

[I'm remaining anonymous due to personal reasons, so have a cute photo of a cat instead!  Source: Ragnificent by Mike Lawson, shared thanks to the Creative Commons licence]

Hi, my name is Sira.  I'm in my late 20s, living in Australia.  I'm white, but also interested in my Aboriginal ancestors.  I've been trying to learn more about my family's history but also the history of our (white) peoples' exploitation and horrible treatment of Aboriginal Australians (not just in the past but also currently).

I am a bisexual genderqueer person who uses they/them pronouns.  I am passionate about feminism, environmentalism, disability rights and, well, all human and animal rights really.

I have a chronic illness, chronic pain due to that illness, insomnia, anxiety, and depression.  I will likely blog about my personal experiences navigating the world and 'passing' as an able bodied, 'mentally sound' and cis person (and why these norms suck).  I might also blog about awesome books I have read, as well as things that have annoyed me recently.

My interests include: gardening, reading, researching, tv and cuddling my partner.

Trans issues master post

This is a general master post for sources on issues pertaining to transgender people. This is not a FAQ about basic information about transgender people e.g. what is transgender? 

This is a list about transphobia, transmisogyny, cissexism, and trans representation.

Tw: transmisogyny, transphobia, cissexism, suicide, murder, violence, whorephobia

Cultures and gender:

• Samoan's concept of a third gender
• Native American traditions recognises more than two genders
• Indigenous Zapotec culture has a third category of a mixed gender
• Thailand and trans feminine third gender
• India's third gender and transgender people recognised by law
• Colonialism, Two-Spirit Identity, and the Logics of White Supremacy
• Origins of gender

Transmisogyny:

• Transmisogyny hurts ALL women
• Alex Miller - scammed tons of trans girls via the Leelah Project
• Turkish trans woman ends her own life
• Girl Scouts decline $100,000 donation in order to defend trans girls
• Trans woman was told to use disabled bathroom 
• Six year old trans girl barred from using the girl's bathroom
• Trans woman attacked for going out in women's clothing for the first time
• 12th Trans woman killed in the U.S. in 2015
• Ronda Rousey is a transmisogynist
• Facebook bans disabled Black trans woman for not appearing feminine enough
• Feminist phrases that marginalise trans women
• Trans girl ends her own life due to conversion camps
• Trans woman gets assaulted while security guards do nothing
• Trans woman of colour is killed then misgendered by the media
• Police keep perpetuating violence against trans women of colour 
• Trans women sex workers and discrimination

General issues:

• Models can be trans - just look at this trans only modelling agency
• Not all trans people experience gender dysphoria
• 64% of trans people make less than $25,000 a year
• 41% of trans people have attempted suicide
• Trans boy leaves home when parents threaten conversion therapy
• Gendered products are a problem
• The issue with the asterisk in transgender
• Trans boy ends his own life and his family ignores his last wishes

10 things to do in Brisbane

Since I live in Brisbane, I thought it would be a good idea to write up a list of things you can do in Brisbane that I suggest you should do! 

1. Sticker photos

In the Myer Centre, there is a store called, "Zoom" and it has Japanese photo booths (purikura) where you can take sticker photos. Each sticker photo set is $18.

2. Five dogs

Five dogs is located in Fortitude Valley and sells vegan hot dogs and vegan pizza pockets as well. There are meat hot dogs if you would prefer those! It is generally open every day and sometimes even up to 4 a.m. in the morning.

3. Boundary Street Markets

Boundary Street Markets is located in Westend and goes on every weekend.  They have diverse street food, live music, and local shops. They are a cash only market.

4. Green Edge

Green Edge is a vegan supermarket and cafe is in Lutwyche that has delicious vegan peanut butter milkshakes and several vegan cheeses you can buy.

5. The Gallery of Modern Art (GOMA)

They have an art gallery that is generally free to enter depending on the exhibition. They have various new exhibitions every few months or so.

6. Noosa Chocolate Factory

You can find their stores in several malls and they have a range of delicious chocolate including vegan options.

7. South Bank Markets

Every weekend there are markets at South Bank that have several local stores and street food. There are stores that sell cute gothic clothes, patches, and gemstones.

8. Ekka

In August, the Ekka is like a fair that happens every year where there are rides, corn dogs, and strawberry ice cream. It does cost money to go depending on your age.

9. Chocolateria San Churro

There are several cafes scattered around Brisbane that have superb chocolate, milkshakes, and cakes. There are no vegan options.

10. Southbank Cinemas

They are the cheapest cinemas in Brisbane ($8 per adult) and are near many awesome food places.

Problems with the punk community

Tw: r*pe mentions

The punk community is meant to be subversive, controversial, and about anarchy. I can only speak from what it was like being in the punk community in Brisbane but all I know is that there are several problems with the punk community. Many people join the punk community because of similar music taste, similar fashion, and because of the desire to be accepted by similar people. However, many punks misunderstand that being offensive means subverting the norm and instead engages in oppressive behaviour.

Racism

Many punks are anti-Nazi's and are against racism - they are up for punching fascists and rioting against racists until the racism is caused by their own friends. How many punks have engaged in cultural appropriation to some extent? Many. How many have called this out? Little to none. It is common to see punks at gigs wearing dreadlocks despite not being Black and many punks wear bindis despite not being Desi. So, you are all against racism until you have to alter your clothing choices? So, you are all against racism unless you have to actually stop using racial slurs? 

Homophobia and transphobia

Being in the punk scene, there are many people who support gay people but only specific types of gay people. There is still the problems of looking down on femme gay people and using trans people as the butt of the joke. Sure, some punks like to go against gender roles but there is a difference between wearing a skirt because you like it and wearing a skirt because trans women are a joke. Even in the punk scene, your pronouns are not always respected and there are many micro aggressions against trans people.

Misogyny and r*pe culture

There are a lot of older men in the scene that prey on younger girls and these men are never called out. They are like the missing stair - everyone knows they are misogynistic and literal r*pists but everyone tiptoes around them. No one wants to fix the problem. Punks are more concerned about what you wear and how many gigs you go to rather than the problem of r*pe culture and misogynists at large. 

The punk community needs to start fixing its internal problems and realise that being offensive means challenging privilege not revelling in it. Many punks claim they accept everybody but at the end of the day, they accept you if you are a cis het white person that achieves their ideas of punk cred. 

Having a trans partner

This guide is aimed at cis people who struggle with understand what it is like being trans and there are many terms that can be difficult to understand. Trans people face oppression and certain trans identities face specific types of oppression (transmisogyny, non-binary erasure). I am a binary trans man for transparency so I will not be able to share experiences with non-binary erasure, transmisogyny etc. At the end of this article, I shall provide a quick terminology list with words used in this article that are defined by me (I have not defined cis or trans). Feel free to further research into the terms.

1. You do not deserve an award

So, your partner is transgender! You respect their pronouns, name, and you love them. However, you do deserve an award because you do this. You do not deserve an award because you get their pronouns right. Your partner is trans so they get to call you out on anything cissexist/transphobic stuff you say. Your partner is not a token to use in arguments when you get called out on problematic behaviour. 

2. You need to use your partner's pronouns

THIS IS MANDATORY. Are their pronouns, "he/him"? Use them. Are their pronouns, "xe/xem"? Use them.  Do not degender them. Do not misgender them.

3. You should ask about words/topics you should avoid

Many trans people experience some form of gender dysphoria or/and gender euphoria. Gender dysphoria can make your partner feel bad about their body/voice/presentation and it is important to listen to them - what you think might be a compliment may actually hurt them. E.g. saying your partner has a really low voice may seem like a compliment but can hurt them. Trans people have different feelings towards gendered language. Your partner may be fine with being casually called a gendered term e.g. chick, guy but may not be fine with others - or they may hate all gendered language. It is good to ask what language you should avoid, what topics you should avoid, and what ways you can compliment them without triggering their dysphoria.

4. You should stop gendering clothing/items/colours

Pink is not a "girl's" colour nor is blue a "boy's" colour. Our society is inherently cissexist and serves to gender products. Clothing does not have a gender. Colours does not have a gender. 

5. You should ask about whether your partner is out

Some trans people are out to everyone. Some trans people are still in the closet. Some trans people are stealth. Some trans people tell their friends but not their family. Vice versa. Do not out a trans person - let alone your partner, without their consent. 

6. You should research transgender issues

Being up to date with trans celebrities, news, movies can be really beneficial. It can help you understand your partner's struggle and help inform you. Laws surrounding trans people especially health care can be very detrimental towards trans people. Your partner is not a resource. You need to research topics by yourself.

7. You must avoid oppressive language

There are many slurs regarding trans people (especially trans women) and you must stop using these slurs. There are many articles out there that can help you identify transphobic and transmisogynistic slurs. It is oppressive for you to use slurs that you are not allowed to reclaim.

Terminology:

Transphobia - oppression aimed at trans people
Transmisogyny - oppression aimed at trans women/trans feminine people
Non-binary erasure - discourse that erases non-binary genders
Misgendering - using the incorrect pronouns/gendered language for someone
Degendering - using neutral language to refer to someone instead of using their pronouns
Cissexist - equating genitals to gender
Gender dysphoria - a tran's person's discontent towards their body/presentation

Spells, Sigils for Trans and Non-binary

hyperlink to the original master post - credit goes to the owners

As a hopeful, yet budding learner and interested party of witchcraft, I have collected a series of spells, sigils, glamours etcetera that will help in aiding those who are trans or non-binary, in need of a little boost~

A sigil for transphobia and dysphoria:

Source

 

 

A Queergender sigil:

Source

 

 

An Agender sigil:

Source

 

 

A Gendervoid sigil:

Source



 

 

A Genderfluid sigil:

Source

 

 

A Bigender sigil:

Source

 

 

 

A Nonbinary sigil:

Source

 

 

A Demiboy sigil:

Source

 

 

A Demigirl sigil:

Source

 

 

Sigil for protection of trans and intersex:

Source 

 

 

 

A sigil for confidence in gender identity and expression:

Source

 

 

A sigil for increased femininity:

Source

 

 

Masculinity jar:

Source

 

  

Confidence mirror glamour:

Source

 

 

Mirror cleansing:

Source

 

 

~ ~

 

 

During my research for this post, I stumbled upon a tumblr blog - Trans Magic Workshop - which appears to be full of similar content to this post (and was a major contributor/creator of sigils included here). I'd recommend giving them a look if you have any further inquiries.

 

Please feel free to let me know in the comments if any links are broken/incorrect ect.! 

Lisbeth's Intro

Hey, I'm Lisbeth, or Lis, and I'm a trans demigirl (although I'm still a little unsure); I use she/her pronouns. I'm also questioning how I identify myself sexually and romantically.

I, uh, don't really do much in all honesty. I enjoy drawing, whether it's on a page or on a program, reading, and gaming too
~look at us losers~

I listen to a range of music, my fave band at the moment is The Antlers.

I'm passionate about social justice and politics, and I try to keep as open a  mind I can, but I'm still upsettingly uneducated about a lot of things.

I'm unsure how much I will post, maybe a lot or maybe not. We shall see.

Connie's Intro

Hello, I'm Connie and I am currently seventeen years of age.

A passionate feminist from England. I identify as bisexual and am very androgynous.
I enjoy listening to soft sounds/ASMR videos for relaxing, as well as alternating between gentle and heavy music when out and about. My main interests are reading, writing stories and gaming. I like to think of myself as a softcore goth, mixed with a monochrome clothing style, as well as soft grunge/punk.

As the only cisgender member of the blog (she/her pronouns), I will be doing my best to educate not only myself, but other readers by posting on transgender rights and issues. I will also be doing my best to post about mental illness, feminism, sex work, and maybe even use the blog to keep reference for witchcraft resources.

How to date a sex worker

So, you are thinking of dating a sex worker or you are currently dating a sex worker. Here is a general guide to help you understand sex work and respect your potential partner/partner's job.

Tw: sex, whorephobia

"It's cheating!"

No, it is not. If you consider it cheating then dating a sex worker is not for you. Sex work is like acting and it is a job. Just because it is sexual does not mean your partner is romantically/sexually attracted to them. Relationships requires boundaries and you can discuss what is cheating, what is not but know this: your partner's body is not yours. It is okay to feel jealous sometimes but your partner's body is not yours to take and hold hostage. Is an actor cheating if they kiss someone on screen? No. Because it is part of their job.

"They enjoy it so it is not acceptable"

Some people enjoy their jobs and some do not. Just because your partner enjoys their job does not mean they aren't romantically/sexually interested in you. As I said, you do not own your partner's body! Sex work is meant to be respected - whether it is survival or a hobby. It is still a job that is largely stigmatised.

"Should we talk about it?"

You should talk about it together. It is up to you on whether or not your partner wants to divulge information. But do not ignore it. Some days your partner will want to talk about a shitty experience or client - just like any other job and as a partner, you should support them. What kind of sex work do they do? Do they want to send you any client's address in case of emergencies? What do you tell your parents/friends about their job (are they out? do they have another job?)

"I want to tell my friends"

Do not out sex workers without their permission. Sex workers are murdered for being sex workers. You may think - hey, cool, my partner is a sex worker! But this does not mean it is your place to out them because that can be very dangerous.

"They must be super horny!"

This is a common misconception. Yes, sex workers get paid for sexual services but it does not necessarily mean that they enjoy it or that they are hypersexual. Your partner is a human being. If they put up boundaries, respect them. Sex workers do not want sex all the time. Sex workers are not all hypersexual. Sex workers can be asexuals. Sex workers vary!

"I want them to stop"

Why? Because you are whorephobic? Yes, sex work can be dangerous, draining, and plenty of other things. But it is not up to you on whether they should stop. Sex work comes with a lot of burn outs that can eat away at them but it is a job. You can not "save" sex workers. It is their choice.

"I want to use [whorephobic slurs]"

Unless you are a sex worker too, it is not your place to use any whorephobic slurs. Whorephobic slurs hurt sex workers - h**ker, pr*stitute, and plenty of other slurs. Respect your partner and respect sex workers. 

Remember that sex work is a job and a job that deserves to be respected. Your partner is not less of a human being for engaging in sex work - whether this is full service, cam work or any other fields of sex work. Know that sex workers are oppressed due to the inherent whorephobia in society and that you can help change this by supporting your partner. 

Wednesday's Intro

Hello, my name is Wednesday and I am 19 years old. I am a trans man and my pronouns are he/him/his. I am a biromantic demisexual. For me, that means that I like most but not necessarily all genders and I am sex repulsed and rarely feel sexual attraction. I am half Filipino and half Finnish. I live in Australia.

I am a vegan queer feminist and I am trying my best to acknowledge the privileges I have and deal with the oppression I face. I love pink, scary movies, cats, food, and gaming. I mainly would write about the issues I face and things I am interested in. My feminist discourse is mainly focused on trans people's rights, sex work, PoC struggles, mental illness, and anti-capitalism.