So, you are thinking of dating a sex worker or you are currently dating a sex worker. Here is a general guide to help you understand sex work and respect your potential partner/partner's job.
Tw: sex, whorephobia
"It's cheating!"
No, it is not. If you consider it cheating then dating a sex worker is not for you. Sex work is like acting and it is a job. Just because it is sexual does not mean your partner is romantically/sexually attracted to them. Relationships requires boundaries and you can discuss what is cheating, what is not but know this: your partner's body is not yours. It is okay to feel jealous sometimes but your partner's body is not yours to take and hold hostage. Is an actor cheating if they kiss someone on screen? No. Because it is part of their job.
"They enjoy it so it is not acceptable"
Some people enjoy their jobs and some do not. Just because your partner enjoys their job does not mean they aren't romantically/sexually interested in you. As I said, you do not own your partner's body! Sex work is meant to be respected - whether it is survival or a hobby. It is still a job that is largely stigmatised.
"Should we talk about it?"
You should talk about it together. It is up to you on whether or not your partner wants to divulge information. But do not ignore it. Some days your partner will want to talk about a shitty experience or client - just like any other job and as a partner, you should support them. What kind of sex work do they do? Do they want to send you any client's address in case of emergencies? What do you tell your parents/friends about their job (are they out? do they have another job?)
"I want to tell my friends"
Do not out sex workers without their permission. Sex workers are murdered for being sex workers. You may think - hey, cool, my partner is a sex worker! But this does not mean it is your place to out them because that can be very dangerous.
"They must be super horny!"
This is a common misconception. Yes, sex workers get paid for sexual services but it does not necessarily mean that they enjoy it or that they are hypersexual. Your partner is a human being. If they put up boundaries, respect them. Sex workers do not want sex all the time. Sex workers are not all hypersexual. Sex workers can be asexuals. Sex workers vary!
"I want them to stop"
Why? Because you are whorephobic? Yes, sex work can be dangerous, draining, and plenty of other things. But it is not up to you on whether they should stop. Sex work comes with a lot of burn outs that can eat away at them but it is a job. You can not "save" sex workers. It is their choice.
"I want to use [whorephobic slurs]"
Unless you are a sex worker too, it is not your place to use any whorephobic slurs. Whorephobic slurs hurt sex workers - h**ker, pr*stitute, and plenty of other slurs. Respect your partner and respect sex workers.
Remember that sex work is a job and a job that deserves to be respected. Your partner is not less of a human being for engaging in sex work - whether this is full service, cam work or any other fields of sex work. Know that sex workers are oppressed due to the inherent whorephobia in society and that you can help change this by supporting your partner.
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