On Gender Norms at Work

content warning: erasure of gender identity, f*g slur, d*ke slur

Every day, I get up, get dressed, head to work, or go to the gym.  I meet friends, colleagues, strangers.  All of whom refer to me as 'she', 'girl', 'woman', 'lady'.  They're wrong.

I'm not a woman.  I'm genderqueer.  But unfortunately this is an identity option that isn't on paperwork, and that people struggle to get their heads around thanks to our binary loving cissexist society. 

This is even more evident in the workplace, where you must try to be as 'normal' as possible in order to keep your job.  I've tried before to bring up the idea of a genderqueer identity with some colleagues before, and it devolved into the standard questions about genitals so that they can know what gender a person really is (i.e. what they were assigned at birth is their 'true' gender and anything else is a farce, a lie, according to cissexist folks).  This makes me feel like I can never truly talk to people about who I really am; like I can never really fully be me.

Genderqueer is a term that may be used to describe those with non-normative[1] gender, either as an umbrella term or a stand-alone identity, typically encompassing those who are in one, or more, of these six categories: 

1. both man and woman (example: androgyne)
2. neither man nor woman (agender, neutrois, non-gendered)
3. moving between two or more genders (gender fluid)
4. third gendered or other-gendered (includes those who prefer “genderqueer” or “non-binary” to describe their gender without labeling it otherwise)
5. having an overlap or blur of gender and orientation and/or sex [2] (girlfags and guydykes)
6. those who “queer” gender, in presentation or otherwise, who may or may not see themselves as non-binary or having a gender that is queer; this category may also include those who are consciously political or radical in their understanding of being genderqueer

                     - Genderqueer ID

To get around this, I try to dress in a 'neutral' way at work, when I can (not that there is any 'neutral' way of dressing once you feel as I do, that there is no male/female binary in clothing), however I feel that 'professionalism' stands in the way of any kind of dress that isn't nicely form fitting for people read as or deemed women.  And could you imagine the furor in a 'professional' environment if someone read as male (or even someone who is male!) decided to one day start wearing skirts?

This is just my personal experience with how gender norms affect me.  I've also had them used in the following ways when talking to customers.  These aren't exact conversations, they're just meant to illustrate a general trend.

Customer: Can you wrap this for me?
Me: Sure!  Which wrapping paper would you like?
Customer:  It's for a man.
Me:  Cool!  Which wrapping paper would you like?
Customer:  Something for a man.
Me:  Okay...  Well what colour does this person like?

Customer:  Is this a men's or women's jumper?
Me:  Does it fit you?  Do you like it?
Customer:  Yes...  But is it for women?  I don't want to wear a woman's jumper.

Obviously you can't always be like this with customers but I feel like these two examples show how much everyone is buying into ideas of gender all the time.  And every time these are reinforced, I am reminded yet again of how I'm an outsider, of how I don't belong in the two 'real' categories of masculine male and feminine female.

I hope to one day work somewhere that embraces my gender and my existence.  Until then, I will continue to hang out with friends who call me by my pronouns.