This guide is aimed at cis people who struggle with understand what it is like being trans and there are many terms that can be difficult to understand. Trans people face oppression and certain trans identities face specific types of oppression (transmisogyny, non-binary erasure). I am a binary trans man for transparency so I will not be able to share experiences with non-binary erasure, transmisogyny etc. At the end of this article, I shall provide a quick terminology list with words used in this article that are defined by me (I have not defined cis or trans). Feel free to further research into the terms.
1. You do not deserve an award
So, your partner is transgender! You respect their pronouns, name, and you love them. However, you do deserve an award because you do this. You do not deserve an award because you get their pronouns right. Your partner is trans so they get to call you out on anything cissexist/transphobic stuff you say. Your partner is not a token to use in arguments when you get called out on problematic behaviour.
2. You need to use your partner's pronouns
THIS IS MANDATORY. Are their pronouns, "he/him"? Use them. Are their pronouns, "xe/xem"? Use them. Do not degender them. Do not misgender them.
3. You should ask about words/topics you should avoid
Many trans people experience some form of gender dysphoria or/and gender euphoria. Gender dysphoria can make your partner feel bad about their body/voice/presentation and it is important to listen to them - what you think might be a compliment may actually hurt them. E.g. saying your partner has a really low voice may seem like a compliment but can hurt them. Trans people have different feelings towards gendered language. Your partner may be fine with being casually called a gendered term e.g. chick, guy but may not be fine with others - or they may hate all gendered language. It is good to ask what language you should avoid, what topics you should avoid, and what ways you can compliment them without triggering their dysphoria.
4. You should stop gendering clothing/items/colours
Pink is not a "girl's" colour nor is blue a "boy's" colour. Our society is inherently cissexist and serves to gender products. Clothing does not have a gender. Colours does not have a gender.
5. You should ask about whether your partner is out
Some trans people are out to everyone. Some trans people are still in the closet. Some trans people are stealth. Some trans people tell their friends but not their family. Vice versa. Do not out a trans person - let alone your partner, without their consent.
6. You should research transgender issues
Being up to date with trans celebrities, news, movies can be really beneficial. It can help you understand your partner's struggle and help inform you. Laws surrounding trans people especially health care can be very detrimental towards trans people. Your partner is not a resource. You need to research topics by yourself.
7. You must avoid oppressive language
There are many slurs regarding trans people (especially trans women) and you must stop using these slurs. There are many articles out there that can help you identify transphobic and transmisogynistic slurs. It is oppressive for you to use slurs that you are not allowed to reclaim.
Terminology:
Transphobia - oppression aimed at trans people
Transmisogyny - oppression aimed at trans women/trans feminine people
Non-binary erasure - discourse that erases non-binary genders
Misgendering - using the incorrect pronouns/gendered language for someone
Degendering - using neutral language to refer to someone instead of using their pronouns
Cissexist - equating genitals to gender
Gender dysphoria - a tran's person's discontent towards their body/presentation
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