This guide is aimed at cis people who struggle with understand what it is like being trans and there are many terms that can be difficult to understand. Trans people face oppression and certain trans identities face specific types of oppression (transmisogyny, non-binary erasure). I am a binary trans man for transparency so I will not be able to share experiences with non-binary erasure, transmisogyny etc. At the end of this article, I shall provide a quick terminology list with words used in this article that are defined by me (I have not defined cis or trans). Feel free to further research into the terms.
1. You do not deserve an award
So, your partner is transgender! You respect their pronouns, name, and you love them. However, you do deserve an award because you do this. You do not deserve an award because you get their pronouns right. Your partner is trans so they get to call you out on anything cissexist/transphobic stuff you say. Your partner is not a token to use in arguments when you get called out on problematic behaviour.
2. You need to use your partner's pronouns
THIS IS MANDATORY. Are their pronouns, "he/him"? Use them. Are their pronouns, "xe/xem"? Use them. Do not degender them. Do not misgender them.
3. You should ask about words/topics you should avoid
Many trans people experience some form of gender dysphoria or/and gender euphoria. Gender dysphoria can make your partner feel bad about their body/voice/presentation and it is important to listen to them - what you think might be a compliment may actually hurt them. E.g. saying your partner has a really low voice may seem like a compliment but can hurt them. Trans people have different feelings towards gendered language. Your partner may be fine with being casually called a gendered term e.g. chick, guy but may not be fine with others - or they may hate all gendered language. It is good to ask what language you should avoid, what topics you should avoid, and what ways you can compliment them without triggering their dysphoria.
4. You should stop gendering clothing/items/colours
Pink is not a "girl's" colour nor is blue a "boy's" colour. Our society is inherently cissexist and serves to gender products. Clothing does not have a gender. Colours does not have a gender.
5. You should ask about whether your partner is out
Some trans people are out to everyone. Some trans people are still in the closet. Some trans people are stealth. Some trans people tell their friends but not their family. Vice versa. Do not out a trans person - let alone your partner, without their consent.
6. You should research transgender issues
Being up to date with trans celebrities, news, movies can be really beneficial. It can help you understand your partner's struggle and help inform you. Laws surrounding trans people especially health care can be very detrimental towards trans people. Your partner is not a resource. You need to research topics by yourself.
7. You must avoid oppressive language
There are many slurs regarding trans people (especially trans women) and you must stop using these slurs. There are many articles out there that can help you identify transphobic and transmisogynistic slurs. It is oppressive for you to use slurs that you are not allowed to reclaim.
Terminology:
Transphobia - oppression aimed at trans people
Transmisogyny - oppression aimed at trans women/trans feminine people
Non-binary erasure - discourse that erases non-binary genders
Misgendering - using the incorrect pronouns/gendered language for someone
Degendering - using neutral language to refer to someone instead of using their pronouns
Cissexist - equating genitals to gender
Gender dysphoria - a tran's person's discontent towards their body/presentation
Monday, July 27, 2015
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Spells, Sigils for Trans and Non-binary
hyperlink to the original master post - credit goes to the owners
As a hopeful, yet budding learner and interested party of witchcraft, I have collected a series of spells, sigils, glamours etcetera that will help in aiding those who are trans or non-binary, in need of a little boost~
As a hopeful, yet budding learner and interested party of witchcraft, I have collected a series of spells, sigils, glamours etcetera that will help in aiding those who are trans or non-binary, in need of a little boost~
A sigil for transphobia and dysphoria:
A Queergender sigil:
An Agender sigil:
A Gendervoid sigil:
A Genderfluid sigil:
A Bigender sigil:
A Nonbinary sigil:
A Demiboy sigil:
A Demigirl sigil:
Sigil for protection of trans and intersex:
A sigil for confidence in gender identity and expression:
Source
A sigil for increased femininity:
Source
Masculinity jar:
Confidence mirror glamour:
Mirror cleansing:
~ ~
During my research for this post, I stumbled upon a tumblr blog - Trans Magic Workshop - which appears to be full of similar content to this post (and was a major contributor/creator of sigils included here). I'd recommend giving them a look if you have any further inquiries.
Please feel free to let me know in the comments if any links are broken/incorrect ect.!
Lisbeth's Intro
Hey, I'm Lisbeth, or Lis, and I'm a trans demigirl (although I'm still a little unsure); I use she/her pronouns. I'm also questioning how I identify myself sexually and romantically.
I, uh, don't really do much in all honesty. I enjoy drawing, whether it's on a page or on a program, reading, and gaming too
~look at us losers~
~look at us losers~
I listen to a range of music, my fave band at the moment is The Antlers.
I'm passionate about social justice and politics, and I try to keep as open a mind I can, but I'm still upsettingly uneducated about a lot of things.
I'm unsure how much I will post, maybe a lot or maybe not. We shall see.
Connie's Intro
Hello, I'm Connie and I am currently seventeen years of age.
A passionate feminist from England. I identify as bisexual and am very androgynous.
I enjoy listening to soft sounds/ASMR videos for relaxing, as well as alternating between gentle and heavy music when out and about. My main interests are reading, writing stories and gaming. I like to think of myself as a softcore goth, mixed with a monochrome clothing style, as well as soft grunge/punk.
I enjoy listening to soft sounds/ASMR videos for relaxing, as well as alternating between gentle and heavy music when out and about. My main interests are reading, writing stories and gaming. I like to think of myself as a softcore goth, mixed with a monochrome clothing style, as well as soft grunge/punk.
As the only cisgender member of the blog (she/her pronouns), I will be doing my best to educate not only myself, but other readers by posting on transgender rights and issues. I will also be doing my best to post about mental illness, feminism, sex work, and maybe even use the blog to keep reference for witchcraft resources.
How to date a sex worker
So, you are thinking of dating a sex worker or you are currently dating a sex worker. Here is a general guide to help you understand sex work and respect your potential partner/partner's job.
Tw: sex, whorephobia
"It's cheating!"
No, it is not. If you consider it cheating then dating a sex worker is not for you. Sex work is like acting and it is a job. Just because it is sexual does not mean your partner is romantically/sexually attracted to them. Relationships requires boundaries and you can discuss what is cheating, what is not but know this: your partner's body is not yours. It is okay to feel jealous sometimes but your partner's body is not yours to take and hold hostage. Is an actor cheating if they kiss someone on screen? No. Because it is part of their job.
"They enjoy it so it is not acceptable"
Some people enjoy their jobs and some do not. Just because your partner enjoys their job does not mean they aren't romantically/sexually interested in you. As I said, you do not own your partner's body! Sex work is meant to be respected - whether it is survival or a hobby. It is still a job that is largely stigmatised.
"Should we talk about it?"
You should talk about it together. It is up to you on whether or not your partner wants to divulge information. But do not ignore it. Some days your partner will want to talk about a shitty experience or client - just like any other job and as a partner, you should support them. What kind of sex work do they do? Do they want to send you any client's address in case of emergencies? What do you tell your parents/friends about their job (are they out? do they have another job?)
"I want to tell my friends"
Do not out sex workers without their permission. Sex workers are murdered for being sex workers. You may think - hey, cool, my partner is a sex worker! But this does not mean it is your place to out them because that can be very dangerous.
"They must be super horny!"
This is a common misconception. Yes, sex workers get paid for sexual services but it does not necessarily mean that they enjoy it or that they are hypersexual. Your partner is a human being. If they put up boundaries, respect them. Sex workers do not want sex all the time. Sex workers are not all hypersexual. Sex workers can be asexuals. Sex workers vary!
"I want them to stop"
Why? Because you are whorephobic? Yes, sex work can be dangerous, draining, and plenty of other things. But it is not up to you on whether they should stop. Sex work comes with a lot of burn outs that can eat away at them but it is a job. You can not "save" sex workers. It is their choice.
"I want to use [whorephobic slurs]"
Unless you are a sex worker too, it is not your place to use any whorephobic slurs. Whorephobic slurs hurt sex workers - h**ker, pr*stitute, and plenty of other slurs. Respect your partner and respect sex workers.
Remember that sex work is a job and a job that deserves to be respected. Your partner is not less of a human being for engaging in sex work - whether this is full service, cam work or any other fields of sex work. Know that sex workers are oppressed due to the inherent whorephobia in society and that you can help change this by supporting your partner.
Tw: sex, whorephobia
"It's cheating!"
No, it is not. If you consider it cheating then dating a sex worker is not for you. Sex work is like acting and it is a job. Just because it is sexual does not mean your partner is romantically/sexually attracted to them. Relationships requires boundaries and you can discuss what is cheating, what is not but know this: your partner's body is not yours. It is okay to feel jealous sometimes but your partner's body is not yours to take and hold hostage. Is an actor cheating if they kiss someone on screen? No. Because it is part of their job.
"They enjoy it so it is not acceptable"
Some people enjoy their jobs and some do not. Just because your partner enjoys their job does not mean they aren't romantically/sexually interested in you. As I said, you do not own your partner's body! Sex work is meant to be respected - whether it is survival or a hobby. It is still a job that is largely stigmatised.
"Should we talk about it?"
You should talk about it together. It is up to you on whether or not your partner wants to divulge information. But do not ignore it. Some days your partner will want to talk about a shitty experience or client - just like any other job and as a partner, you should support them. What kind of sex work do they do? Do they want to send you any client's address in case of emergencies? What do you tell your parents/friends about their job (are they out? do they have another job?)
"I want to tell my friends"
Do not out sex workers without their permission. Sex workers are murdered for being sex workers. You may think - hey, cool, my partner is a sex worker! But this does not mean it is your place to out them because that can be very dangerous.
"They must be super horny!"
This is a common misconception. Yes, sex workers get paid for sexual services but it does not necessarily mean that they enjoy it or that they are hypersexual. Your partner is a human being. If they put up boundaries, respect them. Sex workers do not want sex all the time. Sex workers are not all hypersexual. Sex workers can be asexuals. Sex workers vary!
"I want them to stop"
Why? Because you are whorephobic? Yes, sex work can be dangerous, draining, and plenty of other things. But it is not up to you on whether they should stop. Sex work comes with a lot of burn outs that can eat away at them but it is a job. You can not "save" sex workers. It is their choice.
"I want to use [whorephobic slurs]"
Unless you are a sex worker too, it is not your place to use any whorephobic slurs. Whorephobic slurs hurt sex workers - h**ker, pr*stitute, and plenty of other slurs. Respect your partner and respect sex workers.
Remember that sex work is a job and a job that deserves to be respected. Your partner is not less of a human being for engaging in sex work - whether this is full service, cam work or any other fields of sex work. Know that sex workers are oppressed due to the inherent whorephobia in society and that you can help change this by supporting your partner.
Wednesday's Intro
Hello, my name is Wednesday and I am 19 years old. I am a trans man and my pronouns are he/him/his. I am a biromantic demisexual. For me, that means that I like most but not necessarily all genders and I am sex repulsed and rarely feel sexual attraction. I am half Filipino and half Finnish. I live in Australia.
I am a vegan queer feminist and I am trying my best to acknowledge the privileges I have and deal with the oppression I face. I love pink, scary movies, cats, food, and gaming. I mainly would write about the issues I face and things I am interested in. My feminist discourse is mainly focused on trans people's rights, sex work, PoC struggles, mental illness, and anti-capitalism.
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